It is cloudy and drizzly in Vermont this morning. Even my normal routine of hot tea around six on the porch swing was shorter than normal due to the weather. I rely on that time to watch the sunrise, think about the coming day and wonder how Tom is faring and where he might be.
The interesting thing about becoming a widow is that you are catapulted into a new colony of travelers. we find each other in odd places. You would think we are all married as most of us still wear wedding rings - a coupled state of mind. Widows have an intimacy that belies the amount of time they have known each other. We tell each other things that in normal circumstances would not be a topic of conversation. However the overall topic is how to help each other through this or more to the point to find a destination that makes sense. Most everyone says that it will get better.
For me at least, it just feels like it is getting harder. It is not a question of support as I gratefully have loads of that. It is a question of how to fashion a new life one that was not expected or wanted. What will I become when I grow up? What will I do with my talents? These are not self serving questions but they are ones that deserve considerable thought to make good decisions that capitalize on the life Tom and i had together and the family and home-place we built. Suggestions are gratefully accepted .