Tuesday, May 14, 2013

grief spiders

Tom and i lived in hawaii for about 5 years plus a little when the kids were small. We built our own house, lived in a tent and drove a red rambler named Hot Lava which we bought for 200 dollars.  It had one windshield wiper but could carry lumber on the roof racks like a champ. These were fun and adventurous years for us.  Hawaii however has this rather terrifying creature called a cane spider.  They love to fold themselves up like an umbrella and hide away in various spots that you would not expect.  One of their favorites is the sun visor of your car.  They are generally nocturnal hence they cruise around doing spidery things during the night but come daylight they try to find a dark preferably safe place to snooze.  The visor of your car is perfect.  What is not perfect is that you could be happily driving down the road and pull the sun visor down to cut down on the glare and wham out hops the cane spider right in your face.  If you are not careful you can easily drive off the road, or cliff or into the side of another car.  Accidents prevail .   Grief is like the cane spider.  It tucks itself away - held at bay and just when you think you have it together it leaps out at you.  It finds you suddenly in the coop when you see another retired couple chatting over coffee.  It finds you in frustration when trying to start the lawn mower that requires more strength than you have.  It finds you in over heard conversations about "jim and I are just back from ..".  It finds you when Vermont is achingly beautiful and the all of missing is almost too much.  Like most things it is possible to adjust. We managed to anticipate the cane spiders eventually and check the visors before starting out on the road.  Hopefully that will be the case with grief.   

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