the punies

It has been raining hard off and on in Vermont for the last several days. It has also been cold, enough so that I had a fire in the wood stove.  The outcome of this state of affairs has been an attack of the punies.   The punies is a state of smallness,  weepyness and probably a certain amount of self-pity.  The later symptom is understandable but not particularly helpful or admirable.  The punies are somewhat debilitating as all tasks become absurdly daunting and all events equally catastrophic. Hence discovering that the cucumbers have mosaic virus, Mount Sinai billing office has gotten it wrong again and the lawn mower blades need sharpening are all the same and worthy of surrender on my part.  I had a wonderful conversation with a women from yoga that I don't even know her last name but she is also a widow.  We sat outside after class and I started to cry for no particular reason except that I had the punies and she nailed it immediately.  She talked about how it took her a month to just get to the grocery store. She also said that when people asked her how she was .. her first response was to say  " i am grieving" but that made others feel badly .  And then she said remember .. that this is time when you are no longer who you were and you have no idea who you are going to become. ..  The punies are just part of the process.  So maybe when some one asks me how I am .. i shall say puny and unfolding .