Yesterday I spent pretending that I knew what i was doing. Well I don't. Even with the most careful planning and organization the beginning of estate "stuff" is painful, daunting and triggers the most bizarre behavior. For example, I managed to let my battery go dead on the car as i was headed to our lawyers office. This required a call to AAA. Then I left all the paper work on the dining room table so had to return to pick it up. Then I did not get all of it so once again back to the house. The hardest part of all is of course this ridiculous death certificate. That can't be Tom's name there must be some mistake. He was too busy with life to die and we have to prune the fruit trees. Stamped by the city of New York - really we live in Vermont.. Wait wait..
There is something so final about this process that it grabs your breath and squeezes your heart. it also requires you to be really careful, not let your hands tremble and eyes cloud with tears. There is no room for sentimentality when the financial and legal world are at the helm. Papers need signatures and you best get it right.
That said, thank God for our family lawyer who has the soul of a poet. We managed to get through it together in his office. There were a few gliches but I at least have confidence that this will all come together. As i sit here watching the sun come up over the green mountains on a blue bird day in April - it seems so surreal this turn of our lives. I heard the owl hoot and said good morning to my man as I went to make tea.