I am learning how to see the day in terms of small victories. I imagine that all who have walked this path before me and have lost there life's partner have this same sense of amputation. Just as in an amputation there is a learning curve on how to do what the other was an expert in. In my case it is learning, finally to be a "farmer". So far i have managed to learn how to run the wood stove, bank it at night, order firewood and get it stacked, and have taken on tending the orchard. Next week Joan Lynch and I are going to prune.
We walked the orchard yesterday and I had a moment of great joy and sadness. Tom and I and others planted those trees, we built a deer fence that is eleven feet high. We picked out the trees including the old heritage cider apples. As we planted one sloggy early spring day , Tom said Oh Birdie I can just taste those apples. Joan and I looked out over our handiwork and her comment was this is an orchard for generations. Tom was and still is one of those rare individuals who actually knew what he was doing 99 percent of the time. So there is a great deal to learn about orchards, and vegetables. Thank god for dirt and heavy lifting and the ability to grow things. It is the victory of small things that makes the rest of this possible.